Drake’s appointment went really well. We got to meet with the new neurologist and it was so, so nice. The story of how we got down here is pretty neat and I will have to save that for a later date, but our neurologist at home has trained under the new neurologist (earlier in his career) so it is very neat for us to have that connection between the two. He is a devoted christian which brings so much peace, as the conversations always come back to how God created our bodies to heal….which having a doctor like minded in its self brings healing mentally.
On the way there I was praying as Eric drove, and just talking with God about how I felt really defeated with all our treatment plans and the constant up hill struggle to chart a new course was starting to take its toil on me……..I kept asking God to help clear my eyes and to refocus on Him again so I could feel Him moving like I knew He was but could not “see”……
As we talked with the new neurologist and the more our “directions” of medicine kept centering back to a similar path the more we could feel God in that room orchestrating the conversation and the ease it had….also the neurologist looked at me, without knowing any of my struggles, and said, “Look up Galatians 6:9…if you haven't already got it memorized it is a good one….men and women carry things differently and sometimes a mother’s burden is just different..” After he left, Eric and I talked about how much of a breath of fresh air it was being there and how we were so thankful he was a believer. I looked up the scripture and knew that God had spoken through our kind, new neurologist more than he may ever know.
Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
We left with such a peace yesterday…..I have been praying that God will open my eyes to His hand at work again… not in the form of healing so much as just to feel Him again at the level we have in the past. Once again, God showed us He has not moved….we are still exactly where He has placed us, and nothing that Drake is experiencing is beyond His knowledge or sovereign control.
I was doing my devotional this morning and the scriptures were about hope and love and how much God loved us to allow his son to die for us when we are so broken and sinful and oh how silly I felt for all the “questions”…. how quickly I put on the hat of judgement when I don’t “see God moving” or He doesn’t “show me how to go” or “where He is” at each turn…….. oh how broken and silly am I when I compare myself to this beautiful image of love and wisdom…..
Eric and I felt strong in our faith before Drake… we were never perfect but we were making a valid effort to pursue the Lord and grow in our walk with Him….. It is truly amazing how our dying child is teaching us so much about living and challenging our faith to see God for who He truly is….. He is good….and He is love…..love in the worst of hurt….and He will never leave us……. if we only fix our eyes on Him and not look away….