As I sit in my bathroom floor and type… if I am being honest… so many thoughts, and emotions are running through my head. The last few weeks, and days to come, are so full of final details, and late nights, trying to ensure we are ready for Monday…
If you have been following Drake’s journey, you know we have been asking for specific prayer about a step we felt God had set in motion. I think step may be an understatement…. step seems nice and tolerable… lets think more like a cliff diving project. Regardless of how big our new destination seems ….God has been continuing to push, and bear down roots to make sure we know this is the way. Ironically, we have been praying for this new direction to open up for a year and a half now. A YEAR AND A HALF pleading with God to open this door… and now, days before launching the project, I find myself anxious. Now, that God has allowed it, and showed us all the details… I am tempted to become fearful. To try to hold on to the “feel good” thoughts of what it “could” mean if we moved forward… how awesome “that day” would be when the project was complete and treatment was available…. Crazy how our minds work… we see the direction God wants us, we see the life altering potential He, and only He, could have orchestrated… but, still we are tempted to hinder our growth and cling to the “known”.
Growth is never easy… especially the life changing growth that can come for Drake, and other NKH children, from this project. I read in a book Eric and I are reading through, that the bigger the tree, sometimes the deeper the seed has to be planted. As all the details and labor intensive work has unfolded with this step, my simple mind can’t fathom how God is going to work out all the details, especially the funding we are responsible for… I have found myself nudging God to reroute for an easier terrain. “You sure this is the cliff, Lord? This is absolutely far more beautiful than anything I could have ever imagined, but you sure we don’t want to just sit here and enjoy the possibilities… you want me to jump… learn to fly even? What about that period of falling that is sure to come before the flight? That nice scenic route on the other side of the mountain, sure seems awful safe.. maybe, not as beautiful, but what is beauty anyway… isn’t it fleeting?”
Good thing God is a patient Father.. that He loves His children enough to push us past our own limitations. I am sure He has looked at my lack of faith, and shook His head a time or two these last few weeks.
Regardless of the work God lays ahead of us, He knows we do not fear the physical load required. Physical work brings a level of exhaustion accompanied with accomplishment. I very much like “to do” something, to help carry the load for another family is very rewarding. I think that is why I always sign up for the labor intensive projects….go build a roof in Puerto Rico in the middle of August, 4 months pregnant… or about lose a thumb, cutting wood hand building faux markets/decor for a banquet to offer support for a missionary family. The things we fear more about stepping into a new journey, especially one of this magnitude, is possibly missing God’s direction in an “effort” of haste to follow His lead. If we have seemed delayed in our announcement, please know this was very much intentional as we never want to be buried before God is ready.
Eric and I both have been very careful to stay focused on God’s word for direction. Your prayers for clarity, and discernment have been so appreciated. We have looked to Godly friends and family for guidance, and it has been a blessing, but there has been an aching to be still and listen for God’s confirmation.
God has laid all the pieces together… He has brought in the exact researchers we need, researchers that span the United States. We all have collaborated on the project, we have a plan in place, a timeline, and a good understanding of what is needed to execute it. This is a project that will be a two year commitment, with massive potential for treatment for Drake, and other NKH children. Treatment that comes with funding that I only thought we would be responsible for in our dreams.
We have prayed for this door to open, God has made our next steps clear…
and Monday we will make it public.
I would be lying if I said, even with all the heavenly confirmation, that my earthly mind does not have doubts that rob my excitement at times… “what if we miss our goal, what if we stall on funding… what if we let the families down that are praying their children can hang on until the treatment… what if Drake dies…… We fight these feelings of inadequacy with the bone stiffening drive that He won’t let us quench… because when God brings you to a situation that far outweighs your stature…. then, and only then… do we get to see the real force of the wind.
Please be in prayer for the final details. Pray specifically for the finalization of the website, the billboard campaigns, and the thousand little details that have to be ready for Monday. We have tried not to ask a lot of you in the past, but come Monday, we are going to need you like never before. I am not going to sugar coat our next steps… they are big, and some are going to write off the project just out of shear size and lack of faith….but…sometimes God limits your army to truly show His power and might. I read just this morning during my devotional, that “In order to experience a miracle, you have to take a risk. And if you aren’t willing to take the risk, you forfeit the miracle.”
Please join us in prayer this weekend…. because Monday is coming.
Please be in prayer for our miracle.
All our love,
Eric, Tarah, littles, and Drake
“Who hopes for what they already have…. hope that is seen is no hope at all….but if we hope for what we do not yet have…. we wait for it patiently.”